I literally chase sunsets. Really. It happened for the first time a few weeks ago. I was coming home from a coffee shop and was heading up the hill to my apartment when I saw it.
Saw what???
Oh, just the most amazingly gorgeous sunset I have ever seen before in my life. It was truly magnificent. Now normally, I would quickly acknowledge it and go on with my evening. But this time I couldn't take my eyes off of the surreal display of colors in the distance. Intrigued, I passed the turn to my place and kept driving. At first, I began racking my brain for some reason to continue in the direction of the cascading colors spreading across the sky in front of me. "Don't I need anything at the Dollar Store? Oh wait, I could always stop at the ATM up the hill...There IS that adorable boutique a couple of miles ahead....It's probably still open..."
Then I laughed out loud to myself. (This is one of the rare occasions I could justify throwing an LOL in there but I'll resist...well, kind of.) Anyway, I decided I didn't need a reason to keep driving. What would I be doing at my apartment anyway? Studying for my test tomorrow? Psshhhh. Clearly, this was more important. So I decided right then and there I was going to chase the sunset ahead of me. I didn't know how far I would have to go to actually touch it, but it looked like it couldn't be more than a 28 minute drive. So why not?
With the windows down, the wind in my hair, the radio turned up, and a curious smile on my face, I set off on yet another sporadic adventure. I was going to attain the unattainable. I wasn't just going to drive towards the glorious sunset, I was going to drive THROUGH it. Oh yes, this is my imaginative mind at work now.... What was on the other side anyhow? Another galaxy, maybe? Perhaps I would come face to face with Aladdin and go on a magic carpet ride in this "Whole New World" of mine. (No pun intended.)
Well folks, this particular evening turned out to be one of those thought-provoking times where I was able to silence my mind long enough to focus on one pressing question.... What on EARTH was I doing? Really though....who chases the setting sun??
Me. That's who.
Why, you may ask? Well I have been pondering this question for several weeks now and this is what I've come up with.....
I thought I was simply chasing a breath-taking array of colors in the evening sky. I thought I was looking for any excuse to put off homework and waste time on a picturesque autumn evening. Then reality hit.
I was chasing perfection. I was chasing a world that seemed too good to be true. But more than anything?? I was chasing...my dreams. Dreams that seem so close at times, yet remain just out of arm's length. Dreams that have been mocked by others and thus swept under the rug in shame. Dreams that seemed unachievable so I disregarded them as just another "silly idea." Yet all at once those dreams came rushing back to me with a flood of emotions I was not prepared for. And all at once I was confronted with something much more than just a pretty sunset. I was confronted with my never-ending fear of failure, risk, and rejection.
Now, I have never been someone that will settle for mediocrity in life, and I am confident I never will be. However, I AM someone that has about 36 ideas a day, and I only attempt to implement one or two of them due to the fact I don't handle rejection and criticism well. For example, I want to help the poor, but I find myself tempted to listen to the pessimists around me that feel they should be spending time looking for a job instead of wasting time begging for money. I want every child to be given the opportunity to experience the endless love and affection I was always shown growing up. However, I know this is not possible because unfortunately, there is a growing number of pathetic sperm donors out there that have no interest whatsoever in the well-beind and future of their child. It's sickening, really. And for the longest time, I just sat back wishing there was something I could do to make the world a better place. I wallowed in self-pity. "It's too bad I am only one person and don't have any real influence in the community in order to make a difference...."
Finally, my ignorance wore off and I had quite the epiphany. I CAN impact the world. I just have to get off my butt and start actually helping others, rather than just talking about how bad I feel for the less fortunate. Recently, I have felt a relentless calling to volunteer in my community. And instead of continuing to make excuses about how busy I am, I simply re-prioritized my life. If helping others is the one thing that never ceases to make me smile, why would I not make the time? So I have finally started to give back.
Don't get me wrong....I'm no Mother Teresa. I still have my selfish moments. I'm never quite content. I feel like there is always more I could be doing to help others. I think that is why I was chasing the setting sun a few weeks ago. I was putting the 'pedal to the metal' and hoping I could reach out and touch just one life before the sun once again set on my relentless dream of leaving the world a better place...
That is why I believe in chasing sunsets.
To Have Succeeded
To laugh often and love much:
To win respect of intelligent people
And the affection of children;
To earn the approbation of honest critics
And endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To give one's self;
To leave the world a little better,
Whether by a healthy child,
A garden patch,
Or redeemed social condition;
To have played and laughed with enthusiasm
And sung with exultation;
To know even one life has breathed easier
Because you have lived...
This is to have succeeded.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson~
